On The Servant Mother
I’ve read my share of parenting books - though not as many as my dh - and after a while they all start to sound the same: “Love them, blah, blah, discipline consistently, yadda, yadda, do better at what you know to do and God will honor your efforts…” So when I read Sally Clarkson’s The Mission of Motherhood, she caught my attention rather quickly with a chapter titled, “The Servant Mother,” and in honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share some of it with you faithful readers. If you are not a mother, never fear. I have found this tasty tidbit challenges me in regards to how I live out most of my relationships, not just in how I parent.
I’m not saying that obedience and behavior and character aren’t important. In fact, I think that teaching our children these qualities is essential. I believe, however, that Jesus showed us plainly the most effective way to do this: by modeling obedience and right behavior and good character. And this requires us to do what Jesus did for the disciples - to lead them not only be telling them what to do, but by showing them.When we choose to graciously overlook our children’s messes and accidents, we are teaching them to be patient and forgiving with the mistakes of others. When we react sensitively, thoughtfully, and patiently to them, we are helping instill these qualities in their lives. As they benefit from our unconditional love, they learn to extend it to others as well. As they watch us extend hospitality, care for others, and pray for them, they learn to make service a part of life. As they observe us searching Scripture, spending time with the Lord, and making faith-based decisions, they learn these things as well. Modeling loving service to our children gives them something to emulate in their own lives.
Again, that doesn’t mean we will ask nothing of our children or do everything for them. It doesn’t mean we won’t tell them what is right. It certainly doesn’t mean we won’t discipline them or require proper behavior from them. Jesus, after all, asked a lot of his disciples. He ultimately asked them to be willing to die for his cause! It is important to remember, though, that they first saw him give up his life for them. And that, I believe, is the model that he intends us mothers to follow.
What does it mean to practice servant leadership as a mother? I believe it starts out with a choice. I have to choose to serve Christ by giving my time and energy to my children - not just when I feel like it but when they need me. This means I often must sacrifice my own needs and desires for the purpose of giving my childrenwhat they need and modeling for them they depths of Christ’s love.
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Choosing to be a servant-mother means willingly giving up myself, my expectations, and my time to the task of mothering - and choosing to believe that doing so is the best use of my time for the moment. It means that, by faith, I have already made a decision to make myself available in the routine tasks and myriad interruptions of daily life because I believe it is God’s will for me to serve my family through them. Making this choice ahead of time means I will expect problems and needs to arise and be ready to deal with them in peace instead of in impatience and resentment.
…Children, by definition, take up our time. They’re supposed to do that; it’s the way God made them….I made a decision…as I began to understand this principle, that God did not want me to resent my children for taking up my time. Neither did he want me to make them feel guilty for the sacrifices I had made on their behalf. I was called to give up my rights simply out of my love for Jesus.
